So my title...it's a lil odd from the translation isn't it? haha!! I mean...every family has their own problem that others do not see. I personally feel and I know that I am insecure and super sensitive. But I can't help it...I was raised in a way that caused me to be like that...then why isn't my sisters like that? I can then say that it's because I was treated quite indifferently in my family. As the eldest, but not really eldest coz I'm just the elder of the twins. My parents made me responsible for things that I'm not even suppose to be responsible about, my younger sisters...especially my twin sis. I shouldn't and can't be responsible for a person that is 4 minutes younger than me...doesn't make any sense does it? that's like asking a kindergarten class, those born in january to teach those born in feburary. It is utter bullshit.
I cycled just now from my house to Thomson Plaza :) It's just a 10 min cycle? hahaha!!! I was then discussing about my mother with my younger sister. I feel that she is a very typical singaporean...and then I got offended when my sis said my character was like my mom...I was like NO!!!! I in every way am different from my mother...maybe in certain ways but not TOTALLY the same :)
My mother uses a singaporean teaching method. Authoritative method. She makes her children scared of her before they are scared of anything else. Yes, it's that bad...I know that my mum reads my blog...however, I'm saying all these things for her to change if she wants to improve her relationship with us. I mean seriously, there is a lot of things we are hiding from her and that is so not good. It's not like every kid have to tell their parents everything..but not telling their parents anything is bad. So...I think if I she knew what style to use so that we can become 'close friends' with her, she'd be glad :)
Over protective, can cause a child to be STUPID. Yes, that means to be a retard in life. Coz in life, studies isn't everything...if it is, most probably, your child will grow up to be a machine (which means, will move when ordered specifically what to do) So, C'mon! I mean, no parent will want such a child right? Unless, the parent is insecure herself in a way that she wants a puppet that will listen and adore her...My mom always talks about things she could achieve when she was younger and at that time without a father. I mean, STOP TALKING ABOUT THE PAST! It's over and besides, I have both my parents' that love me.
Then I was talking about the curfew my mom set for me. 10pm. my sis then said that she has a friend whom is 21 years old and has that curfew..I could only imagine his pain. I feel that 10 pm is seriously early...at least before 12am! I'm young and I have the energy to stay up late and beside I have the time to wake up late the next day. It couldn't be that I do that when I'm only 30 right? I'm only young once and parents know that...so why can't they understand that we are young and we're meant to have fun?!
I understand that they are concern about their child especially, daughters, I mean, if I were to dope and smoke, I would have done so back in secondary school or in MDIS. But I didn't, so why can't they just implement a little trust and let me go out and come back late? I'll probably catch the last train back...
By saying all these, I don't mean that I don't love my parents, I LOVE MY PARENTS. and I respect them, however, I only respect them because they are my parents...I mean if they aren't my parents and they have such characters, honestly, I will think them of losers.
I think my mother should go out and have fun with her friends occasionally or join some class. She needs social life! Family, work and God shouldn't be only her things in life...We need more.
I've never seen my mother shed a tear, but I really do hope she cries when nobody is with her. She needs to channel her unpleasant feelings into tears and release them instead of bottling up and become a time bomb that endangers my sisters and my life. Back when I was 9, I remembered, that I was a problem to my mother and to my form teacher..I remembered, I dislike that teacher very much coz he held my recess time to make us do work. I felt like a donkey...all work and no rest. Being 9 and I knew that I had to channel my anger towards that teacher out. After PTC one day, (obviously, the teacher talked bad about me and I felt really bad about myself) my mother scolded me and then I went back to my room sulking, took my favourite notebook and started writing lines something like *I hate Mr *** * over and over again. I planned to write till I got rid of that lousy feeling and anger. However, my mother upon knowing I did that, she snatched my book, gave me a slap on my face and tore that page off and told me *how can you write such things?!* I just cried in anger.
I really thought I did nothing wrong, I was writing it on MY notebook (like a diary) and I was harming no one..besides I didn't write I wanted to kill that teacher. I then learnt my lesson that letting my anger out this way will cause me to get a slap on my face and that I should bottle up my anger.
I constantly have the feeling of helplessness and maybe that's why I'm afraid of everything. I need something with me constantly, not just a presence but physically with me. That's why I want a bf that will be with me all the time. But I think I'll pity my bf coz he has to keep reassuring me.
Oh well, look at the time! Gotta go slp...talk more next time alright? :)
Cheery Cheers :)
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